Well here we are again.
Nine months of no progress here, but of ups and downs and lots going on elsewhere.

We just embarked on the start of a new chapter of our life. My husband moved down to a new city in a new state to start a new job. He'll live between here and there for the next three months, give or take. We're selling our house, probably finishing out the school year here, looking for a new home there, ready for this next adventure.

He left yesterday.
And today I'm leaving too. Leaving these habits I've been stuck in for way too long.
New job, new city, new chapter= new goal, new body.
My intention, while I'm swinging single here, is to eat right, exercise well, and get rid of at least twenty of these extra pounds before I officially become a Tennessean. By the time my husband and I share a bed 100% of the time again, I want him to notice a marked difference in my body. I want to be proud of my body.

Of course it'd be easier if the inevitable stress of the next three months would just strip off the weight like how stress used to affect me, rather than the emotional eating I've tended to lean towards resulting in the opposite effect in the more recent years.

I have a walking date this morning with a girlfriend and likely for at least four of the next five days. That's a definite step in the right direction to get started.
Off to plan some meals for the week...

Labels: reflecting, trying

It's a Monday.
And it's the first of June.
The beginning of summer.
The last day of school.

Seems like a perfect no excuse time to get back with the program.
So far so good... a great breakfast of Special K and a whole grapefruit, and already walked this morning pushing a 35lb kid in a big jogger stroller for three miles.

It's only 9am, but I'm feelin' it today.
And I'm counting on that feeling for the next many days to come.

Labels: trying

So I realized I never reported on any more of the Race to a Waist competition.
I got down to just under 145 lbs.
I came in sixth overall. Which out of 25 women isn't bad. But I could have done it. With two weeks to go I was in second place so really there shouldn't have been any excuse to not be in the top three (or first!) at the end. I just honestly didn't stick with it like I should have throughout the whole 12 weeks. In then end I was disappointed with myself; that I didn't really try as hard has I could have. It was mostly about the food part of things and I did okay with that... but I really didn't exercise enough. I only did water aerobics a couple of times and didn't walk nearly as much as I should have.

It was almost like I have this hang up of putting in just enough effort to put me close.... but I'm afraid to actually put in 100%; to give it my all and try my absolute hardest because then? If I did absolutely everything I could and tried my best and focused all my energy on it and it wasn't good enough to get me to my goals? That would just mean my best wasn't good enough.
But if I just tried enough, even if I was just short of my goal, I still had the "excuse" that I could have done better. It's easier to be frustrated in the fact that I'm lazy than the fact that I truly failed.
I think I've done that a lot in my life. In school and relationships and probably a lot of things.

Hmm... I don't really like this realization.
It's sort of a lazy inclination combined with being short on self-confidence. Not a good combo.

Labels: reflecting, trying

Wait... is it week four or week five? Four weeks into the race? Five weeks in? The start of week five? I'm confused...

But Ugh. I'm still stuck at 150lbs. That's almost three weeks at the same weight.
I had a week in there with no real activity... some "female troubles" prompting a dr's visit.
My "dieting" has just been so-so.
Which I guess goes to show that I really need to just suck it up and work hard for the next eight weeks (or twenty pounds) to get rid of this unwanted chub then I'll probably be okay. As long as I eat relatively sensibly and am not too much of a slug, it seems I can keep weight off no problem. It's just a matter of getting rid of it in the first place.
So.
I did have three good walks this past week.
And today I signed up (read: paid for) for a water aerobics class three times a week.
I'm ready to make my weigh-in next week a drastic drop down from this 150 that's been lounging around on my scale for the past few weeks.

Labels: maintaining

Fourth place overall in the race going into the third week.

It surprised me, because I was discouraged Monday that I was only down about a pound and a half from the week before. And that pound and a half was a stretch too... I've never been so naked on the scale :).
I knew it wasn't going to be a very good week... we had friends staying with us all weekend, I made way too much really really good food (some of it light, some of it not so light, chips and dip and milkshakes and big breakfasts. also chinese take-out. ugh).
I was sick (not the good for weight loss kind of sick, just a monstrous cold/cough/lay around all day kind of sick) and unmotivated for three days before weigh in, and I got to top it all off with being bloated and crampy with PMS. That's not exactly a recipe for a loss on the scale.

But I've been back on track yesterday and today and I think I'm headed in the right direction again. 150lbs this morning.

I will stay under 150 for the rest of the week. Heck, how about for the rest of my life??

Hey, found a new treat I like...
these Sunsweet Plum Sweets are great! It's just the right amount of chocolate to curb a sweet tooth and it can actually be considered good for you. Dark chocolate and dried plums... double dose of antioxidents there!! A little protein, a little fiber, a little bit of carbs and saturated fat too, but they size a serving as about 14 pieces and I do fine with just four or five when I think to grab them maybe once a day. Hey, it's better than candy or cookies, right?

Labels: counting, eating, trying

Third place in the competition this first week!
Can I keep it up?

I really didn't do much different last week... my priorities were simply not snacking and paying attention to what I was eating and being satisfied without feeling full.
I only got out and walked to work-out once.

It's too cold to walk the rest of the week, so I'll be checking out what's On Demand for fitness. Or maybe get one of these videos again from the library. They have a set of those at Costco I was really tempted by. I really like her routines.
I just couldn't justify the money... I spent $30 for this "race", I'm spending $30 next month for a water aerobics class (love those!!) and I couldn't comfortably spend another $30 on walking DVD's, when it seems my neighborhood sidewalk should suffice. I'm not going to be walking in these zero degree temps this week tho.

Labels: counting, moving

Previously I checked my weight every Saturday.
With the "race" I'm in, our weigh-ins are on Monday, so I'm going with that for awhile.
I was dreading weighing myself this morning after my date with fried food this weekend (Mmmm... old fashioned onion rings....), but here we are.

Today's weight: 153 lbs
Today's waist: 35.75"

That's three and half pounds down this week!!
At some point early this past weekend, I got on the scale early, first thing in the morning and my digital one read 149.5. I know it was probably a fluke of some sort, but it really got me excited.
I haven't seen the scale read under 150 with me on it since I was newly pregnant with Savannah. That was over six years ago.
I've been fluctuating in the 150's for ever now and it's kind of gotten to be all the same... 157? 153? 155? meh, they're kind of all in the same ballpark.
I knew lower numbers on the scale would be nicer to read (ie, under 150).
I just didn't quite realize how really nice they are to read. It's like a whole new ball game.
149... that is most definitely NOT in the 150's!!

Seeing that <150lb>

150lbs-- weight between my two pregnancies, haven't really been there since I got pregnant with Sawyer

145lbs-- weight I need to be to weigh less than my husband (this has been a dream of mine for almost our whole marriage)

140lbs-- weight when we got married and pre-pregnancy

130lbs-- weight I was at while dating my husband

115lbs-- weight I was at when I met my husband (coming off of a very stressful, chaotic year in my life)

Now, we won't even talk about the 115, because I think we all know I will never be there again. But the rest of those numbers are real.
And instead of simply putting number goals down, with a random goal weight, after seeing the scale dip under 150 this week, putting these numbers out there this way excites me. Instead of just thinking of a number in my head, say 140, I'm thinking about how long it's been since I've been there (seven years!), how much better I felt (cute clothes!), and that I'm really on my way to being back there. Does that make any sense?

I cannot wait to be regularly in the 140's. (after this next week!)
And to eventually be this excited about dipping under that 140 mark the same way.

Labels: counting

Okay, new year, new resolve.
Let's try this again.

This time I have a little more accountability as I'm joining a biggest loser type "Race to a Waist" competition. Forking over a little cash to keep myself in check. And if miracles happen, win up to $500.
A girl can dream, can't she??

I have plans. And renewed motivation. And the race came at just the right time.
Starting this week.

And then I went and spaced it and baked some yummy Orange Chocolate Chip bread today. Not a good idea. Oh well, a least its not brownies or cookies... I used whole wheat flour and at least it's just one cup of sugar, no oil- just a tiny bit of butter and mini chocolate chips. That works out to not so horrible, doesn't it?? Oh it's yummy though.... I've already had my piece for the day!

Anyway.
Here's to a new year and a new resolve and a new attempt to lighten up!!

Labels: trying

I honestly cannot believe how long I've neglected this journal.
Or how long I've neglected this goal of mine, I should say.

It was probably only the first week or two that I felt guilty or remembered at all that I was letting my priorities fall away from this Lightning Up thing... after that it was just a little too easy to get swept up in the busyness of life. We did have a busy spring. And we've been enjoying our summer to it's fullest, keeping busy and spending most of our time in between at the pool.
And I've actually been maintaining my weight, not gaining any more and at least not worsening my habits.
But after and especially hard on myself, PMS'y, bloated week, I'm ready to resuscitate my motivation here.

I walked a couple of miles with the kids in the stroller yesterday, since the early morning was finally cooler. If you consider 80 degrees cooler. I got a walking workout DVD from the library I'm going to start next week and hopefully use until we get some good walking weather on a regular basis around here. I'm not a fan of going outside and breaking into a sweat before I even start moving.

We'll be out of town this weekend, so I won't be weighing in again until the following weekend. Hopefully that will give me some time to really drop a few pounds.

Since this self-discipline, need to start today thing is so hard for me, I've decided to record actual progress, however small a step it may be on a day to day basis, when it happens instead of my normal weekly report card. Because the pattern of weeks past, if I average out the weeks, I get a flunking grade. And that's discouraging. If I take it a day at a time and can cheer myself on for the little things, maybe it'll motivate me to keep up those little steps. And it takes lots of little steps to cover a great distance, right?

Anyway. I had a great walk yesterday. I got up early (6:30am) and took a 4 mile walk by myself. It was so nice. Not only getting out and getting active, but the quiet early morning, listening and observing the beauty of our neighborhood, the birds, the bunnies, the flowers and trees. Walking fast and tall and not having to lug a stroller up and down the hills. Just being able to hear my own thoughts, not having to listen to the kids fight or complain in the stroller. It really felt so good. I'd get up at 6:30 every day and do that.
Problem is, my husband leaves for work during the week at 6:30. So if I want that walk during the week, I'd have to be getting up at 5:30. Uh yeah. It was nice, but not that nice!!

I may try a goal of doing it when Ryan gets home each day. I'd say evenings, even after the kids go to bed, but the problem is, I just like to hang out in the evenings. Which is also why even though I have every intention of heading down the the work-out room around the corner at our clubhouse in the evenings, I never actually do it. I like hanging out with my husband. Morning's nice because everyone's still in bed; I'm not missing out on anything. It might be nice to have a little break to myself right when Ryan gets home from work though.
We'll see what happens the rest of the week.

Still wish I had a walking buddy! Maybe I'll fish around for one in the neighborhood...

Labels: moving

Not much to say here, but I didn't want to be avoiding this journal either.
Same ol', same ol'.
I have a number of excuses (a couple of physical emergencies, family in town, a tad of a depression funk, blah, blah, blah) and seem to have countless things that will "remotivate me" each new week (the beautiful weather, buying a new swimsuit, planning vacations, blah, blah, blah), but still here I sit.

At least I'm maintaining. I lost five pounds from the start of all this, and in the midst of being completely lazy and nonchalant with my exercise and eating habits, at least that's not snuck back up on me. I still today am a solid 152lbs. Sad thing is, that's the same as a month ago.

It's discouraging to think where I could be right now if I really truly tried and kept up on what I know I need to be doing. If I had really worked at it, I could have dropped a lot more than that measly five pounds in the last almost 2 months. So tomorrow's a new day, right? Problem is, I find myself thinking that every day.

I wish I had someone close by in this same spot I am, to motivate each other and to be more accountable in real life... to call me up or to show up at my house with those walking shoes on!

Anyway, I have no bold claims to make about the week ahead. I'm just going to set an internal goal to do better. I have a couple of things in mind to try to get myself into some new habits. Who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and actually make some progress...

Labels: reflecting

Today's weight: 152.5 lbs
Today's waist:

Well I've been hesitant to get back on the scale... over three weeks of not paying attention, holidays, vacation, being resistant to getting in focus. But today the scale reads essentially the same as when I turned a blind eye to it. I'm a little relieved as honestly I feel I've done horribly at this striving toward my goal thing the last few weeks. Meals have been crappy, not the best snacking has been a common occurrence, and exercising.... what is that? But at least I've held steady. Which actually motivates me a little more because it spurs my belief that if I can just get rid of these twenty extra pounds I won't have to keep a drastic change of lifestyle to keep it off.

So here's to a new week.
My parents are going to be here for a visit so that's motivated me to plan out our week and be more intentional on the health front.
Oh, and my sister's coming along with them and she's an active one, so I'm sure I'll be taking her down to the clubhouse a few times for a work out.
And the walking challenge with the online chub club starts Tuesday!
Lots of motivators to get back into the routine and the habits I need!

Labels: counting

I've heard much conversation about a new show on TLC recently and finally checked it out this week, watching the first two episodes over the last couple of days. I'm intrigued.
I think Paul McKenna is right on... I think that his motivators of not dieting and just eating sensibly and being more active are exactly the direction people need to be pointed in. And by sensibly I don't even mean following any certain "sensible" menu of low carbs/low fat/low cal or wholesome good for you foods... granted non processed foods are a healthier choice, but in terms of weight loss or weight management it's more about how and when you're eating rather than what exactly you're eating.
I have to admit it throws me off a bit when he goes through someone's kitchen and says to throw out the "healthy foods" you don't like, the things that you buy and make yourself eat only because they're good for you and you think you should be eating them. And then tells them to keep their "stash" cupboard stocked with their favorite treats and indulgences.
But you know what? That's exactly how I lived from the age of 20 to 30 and I never gave my weight a second glance. I ate when I was hungry, I stopped when I wasn't, I didn't eat when I was bored, I wasn't an emotional eater, I didn't run to my "stash" out of desperation... I ate what I wanted when I wanted and only as much as I needed. I always had candy or desserts around, I just didn't eat them often. I could have a bowl of candy out and it would take a month or two to dwindle down to empty. I only had one here and there... I didn't want to eat the whole bowl in one day.

And that is McKenna's basic philosophy. He claims that anyone of any weight can get to and maintain their ideal weight... be "naturally thin" by following these four basic rules:
-eat when you are hungry
-eat what you want, not what you think you should (of course taking into account dietary restrictions such as diabetes, allergies and such)
-eat slowly, consciously and be aware of every mouthful
-stop when you even think you might be full

And I fully believe in that... as in staying "naturally thin". I'm just not convinced that losing that extra weight happens without some extra effort on the part of food choices. I've been saying all along that however I've put on this extra thirty pounds; two pregnancies, a couple of stressful relocations, some depression, picking up unhealthy eating habits.... I've been hoping that if I can just buckle down and drop this extra weight, then I can go back to my "old" habits which are exactly McKenna's "golden rules" and I'll be able to maintain that weight without stressing about dieting. But can it just happen naturally? Without being severe or super vigilant about low glycemic or low carbs or only good carbs or low fats? Or at least hugely stepping up an exercise regiment which I sooo am not a fan of. I mean, I'm all for walking, staying active, etc... but I just am not a workout person.

Anyway, there was a woman on his show last night who lost 165 lbs and has kept it off for three years... just by following that very simple advice. Just by being aware of when and how much she was eating. Just by paying attention to her body and it's signals.
And there's a couple that McKenna is meeting with throughout his shows and the man weighs I don't know like 350? 400 lbs? We're talking dangerous dangerous health here. And he's been applying the basic rules and his fiance says still eating exactly what they want, whenever they're feeling hungry, but paying attention to how much they're eating, putting down their forks in between bites and intentionally chewing and enjoying the food, and then stopping when they might start to be feeling satisfied and full, they have completely made a turn for the better. She said that she would guess he is eating about a fourth of the food he previously consumed. And he is not missing it in any way.
And I think that's amazing. And I understand it working for the people who are consuming so much more than they need to be. But for people who are only 10, 20, 30 pounds over where they want to be, is it really going to just melt off like that? I honestly don't feel like I eat much. I know I don't wolf my food down, and I usually stop eating well before I'm stuffed or too full. So is following these guidelines -that I'm not really sure I've strayed too far from- really going to result in a difference for me, or do I have to be intentional in other ways to shave these pounds off?

*****
I guess my only caveat would be snacking.
I've never considered myself an emotional eater. However, I have realized in the last couple of years with these cross country moves, I think I am doing that more. I think I've been lonely and a little depressed at times and I think subconsciously I must be eating more to make up for it. Where I used to be able to have that bowl of candy around and barely nibble on it here or there, now I take some anytime I'm in the same room as it. And not just one but three or four. Or ten.
Something that really caught my attention in watching these two shows of McKenna's the last couple of days was when he mentioned emotional eating, he would list off emotions of anger, stress, depression... and then boredom. He would rattle off all of these real up and down physically reactive emotions, and then always boredom would be thrown in there. I've never really considered that boredom being an emotion or that being bored or restless would be considered a trigger of emotional eating. But sure enough, that's mine. Sure I'm busy, sure I have a million things on my plate, but really? Day to day? In between these moves and being unfamiliar with areas and trying to break into communities and groups and make new friends and get settled and actually feel at home and comfortable and able to call up just anyone to go do something or to watch my kids for me or to talk about nothing in particular but just to say hi?.... In actuality I'm bored. Bored and restless and that probably boils down to being lonely. Not a depressed, woe is me kind of lonely, but a don't really have go-to friends to hang out with whenever or to chat with at a moment's notice kind of restless lonely.
Does that make any sense at all??
It's getting better; over time it's only getting better, but still it's there.

So I'm tuning into this show. Because apparently I do have issues to deal with. And if I need to curb the emotional eating and he has tips on how to do that, than it's only going to help right? And if I am more aware of my emotions and if all I need are reminders and the encouragement and the reinforcement of the habits of becoming "naturally thin" than I think I can manage to tune in for an hour a week to get a dose of that.

Labels: reflecting

Well, reflecting on my Easter Eating, I have to say I was a very good girl. The day after?... Notsomuch.

Easter Sunday we went to a friends' house for dinner after church. I kept my plate slim with just a good amount of ham, tons of salad, teeny tiny helpings of both the cheesey potatoes and green bean caseroles, and my only downfall was two dinner rolls. I finished up my plate, and although we sat around the table for quite a bit longer and I felt twinges of I should eat more, this food is so good I also was fully aware that I was satisfied and wasn't needing to eat any more food because I wasn't hungry, so I didn't. Our Easter gathering also happened to be a combination 4 year old birthday party too, and I easily turned down the cupcakes and ice cream later in the afternoon.
The kicker? I had absolutely no Easter candy all day except for two simple Peeps. (Come on... a girl cannot be expected to give up Peeps cold turkey at EASTER!). I was feeling quite happy with myself.

But Then.
Monday? I got bored, I got frustrated with the kids, I got overwhelmed with my list of things to do before I take off on Thursday, I got whatever other emotions that come along with the job of a stay at home Mom on a Monday and that Easter candy sitting around my house? It was just a little too convenient. So I ate a chocolate egg here and a Robin's egg there. And finished off the Peeps (I just wrote poop on accident) for lunch. And pretty much ate nothing but candy all day. Oh, plus the second half of SJ's PB&J sandwich. Ugh. I felt horrible. I didn't technically eat that much candy in total... but the fact that that's pretty much all I ate all day? Double Ugh.
I tried to console myself with a great Chicken Salad for dinner. Didn't exactly take away my disgust from the day, but hey-- you gotta move on.

Labels: eating

I think I've decided I'm taking a "holiday" from the counting for a couple of weeks.
I've lost a total of five pounds since I started keeping track not quite three weeks ago. I was hoping for twice that amount by the time I went on my Chicago trip next week, but five pounds is respectable. It's better than nothing.

And I'm still going to be working on this eating well and exercising more (more than nothing? that should be easy) over the next couple of weeks, but I'm taking a break from the scale and the keeping track. Coming up this weekend we have a couple days away at a friends house with a game night gathering involved, Easter Sunday/birthday party at another friends house on Sunday, and then I'm leaving for the much anticipated Chicago girls weekend next Thursday for four days of eating out and snacking into the wee hours of the morning (well it's not like eating is the main objective of the trip, but you know how it goes)... that's probably not a schedule conducive to ideal weight loss.

I will most definitely be trying to make the smartest choices in all these situations, but I'm still planning on having fun and not stressing about it. While I will always have my goal in the back of my mind, I'm not going to worry about stepping on the scale for a couple/few weeks. I figure why bother. If I don't do as well as I hope in the midst of all this extra curricular activity, it'll just discourage me... if I do better than I give myself credit for, then I'll be pleasantly surprised a couple of weeks down the road when I step on the scale and find I've still managed to shave off a few pounds in the aftermath of a week of dieting booby traps!!
Wish me luck!