I've always loved shoes. I love how they can just make an outfit; add that perfect touch. I've had many an outfit revolve around a pair of shoes or flip flops. But I think I've realized that lately, shoes are my crutch. My wardrobe has drastically dwindled since having kids. And even more so in the last six months as I've gained this weight. I won't buy bigger clothes. But I'm still buying shoes. I can take the most boring solid color top and jeans and make it an "outfit" with some cute shoes. If I feel fat or frumpy in a shirt, I can distract from that feeling with some fun shoes. When I know I'm not looking my best, when I'm not doing too well at hiding the roll around my middle... I can still feel cute and stylish if people are complimenting my shoes.
How sad is that?
I realized how much I'm relying on this crutch when I spent two days shopping last weekend for just the right pair of shoes to wear to church on Sunday. I didn't have a thing to wear... unless I found new shoes. Then I could overlook the way I knew I looked in the actual clothes part of the outfit. Apparently I think it would distract other people from it as well.
I want to be excited about a whole outfit again. I want to feel comfortable in whatever I throw on and not have to worry about how a shirt hides or emphasizes my midsection and depend on shoes to take the focus off of the rest of me. I want my shoes to be an accessory again, instead of being a way to distract from me. I want to move my focus from my shoes to all of me; to be feeling good and be proud of how I look.
And it'll be nice to hear a compliment once in awhile that might be, "you look good Heather," instead of "I love your shoes."
Labels: reflecting
